Ministry Longevity and Joy

One long day, two sweet retirements, three beautiful lessons.

Last year, my family and I had the unique experience of participating in not one, but two retirement ceremonies on the same day. We started the day in Asheville, celebrating the retirement of our long-time church Administrative Assistant over lunch, and we ended the day in Charlotte with worship and a reception honoring the retirement of a good friend and former colleague from a career in pastoral ministry. It was a full and tiring day, one that has led to much reflection on the profound experience of joy and completion that accompanies the culmination of a full and rewarding life in ministry. Though the pastoral retirement has more direct implications on me personally, I’ve been ruminating on a few themes from both events and, for the good of my own soul, aim to record them briefly here.

Three themes that stood out to me that day:

Deep Roots

Both of my retiring friends were concluding more than a decade of service in the same church, and much longer in the same city. As someone who has never lived anywhere in my adult life for longer than nine years, this type of longevity is foreign to me. As a friend reflected recently, “It’s funny how forty years in one church and one neighborhood tend to grow deep roots.” And we do not even have to try to deepen our roots; they naturally stretch out and intertwine. We see businesses and people come and go. We experience together life and loss, highs and lows, joys and sorrows. When my father-in-law suddenly passed away after we had been in Asheville for four years, an elderly saint put his arm around me and said, “Now you’re one of us.” Had I not been before? Sure, but shared experiences knit us together like nothing else can, and the longer we are in a place, the more shared experiences we have. James Boice once said that pastors usually overestimate what we can do in a year, but underestimate what can be accomplished in ten – and these two retirees are perfect examples of that wisdom.

Cultivated Relationships

I noticed this theme particularly at the pastoral retirement: my friend had a multitude of different relationships represented. Friends, mentors, colleagues, youth, children, grandchildren, members from former churches, and on and on. For anyone arguing that pastoral ministry is lonely and isolating, this man’s life should be considered Exhibit A in the refutation. Three categories of relationships stood out to me. First, while the whole church celebrated him, it was clear from some comments that he had friends in the church. This is always a fraught topic, but he had found a way to make everyone feel loved and valued, while also carving out time and space for true friendships within the church. If I aim to be fully human and fully present in my ministry, then I ought to risk cultivating healthy friendships among my flock. Second, I was blessed by his relationship with three particular men: fellow pastors with whom he had formed a sort of cohort of friendship, prayer, encouragement, and accountability. Those men loved him fully and unconditionally and were clearly a balm to his soul and a joy to his heart. Relationships of mutual trust and love do not develop overnight, but they are surely worth the investment. And finally, his relationship with his family. His wife, nuclear family, and extended family were all present and celebrating with him. Do not believe the press: a man can give his life in the service of Christ’s church while maintaining deep connection and intimacy with his family.

Authentic Presence

This title sounds a little buzzword-y, but it accurately summarizes what I observed. Neither of my friends is perfect, but they are both so very comfortable with who they are. The love and commendation they received was not primarily for the roles they filled or the jobs they performed, but rather for the people they were (and are) as they filled those roles. I can be so consumed with “behaving like a pastor” when I show up in people’s lives that they end up only knowing the pastoral caricature of who I think I should be. Not so with my friends. No one praised their well-crafted emails or professional appearance. Rather, we heard stories of food and laughter, of their presence and personal care for others. I long to be so comfortable in my own skin that people know the person, and not merely the pastor.

Conclusion

More themes emerged from the day, but enough for now. It was an honor for me to be present at both, and to enjoy a small part in the long stories of lives and ministries full of years. One last takeaway: these two saints were loved, celebrated, and remembered for the very ordinary, and yet very present, individuals that they are in Christ. It would be a great blessing in my life to enjoy the same ministry longevity and completion as my two friends – may it be so by the grace of God!